Self-acceptance And Other Lessons Learned – Week 4

We have reached the end of Mermay 2023!

I’m pleased to say that I didn’t give up partway through the month! I finished the challenge, and have a beautiful collection of portraits to show for it!

Want to know what I’ve learned from trying to paint a mermaid every day in May?

Towards the end of May, I found I was slowing down. More than expected. 
The paintings I finished are more detailed and, I think anyway, better executed than some of the earlier ones.

I’ve completed 16 paintings over the month. This is less than I was hoping for, but I’m still pretty pleased with the number. 
I mean, it’s about 1 painting every 2 days, which is pretty damn good!

I’m able to say the above because of my self-acceptance practice. There is the potential for a lot of guilt and self-criticism here.
AND there is accepting I can only do what I can.
There is accepting what I am right now, not wishing I was different. 

This is hard work and takes lots of practice. It’s worth the practice. 

Lessons Learned

• Stating the obvious: finishing 1 painting every day is a lot of work and not something I want to do again! (But let’s be honest, I’ll probably forget this info and try again anyway)
• I’m getting better at portraits! I feel that many of them were a pretty good likeness. Since I’m often my own worst critic, that suggests they’re probably pretty good.
• I really like painting beautiful tropical fish. Honestly, the ocean is just filled with amazing creatures!
• Social media is/can be bullshit. More on this below.
• The people I chose to draw are inspiring! Obviously, that was the point, but while doing their write-ups I was really inspired! More on this below as well.
• My energy is limited and finite. Much more so than I think it is, or want it to be. Taking care of myself and my energy levels has to remain among my top priorities. This is huge for self-acceptance.

Social media is/can be bullshit

Some of the people I painted as mermaids saw their portraits and left a comment. That made me happy.
Some people did not see their portrait/leave a comment. That made me sad.
Having those feelings is pretty reasonable. 

In 2023 social media is a minefield. Inscrutable algorithms decide what will and won’t be seen. People are numb from the firehose of content. Even if we see something we like, we’ve been trained to keep scrolling. Maybe we’ll take the time to click “like” or, *gasp*, even leave a comment. But chances are high that we won’t. 

Engagement on social media is not the measure of my work, or anyone’s. And it can be hard to tease apart inherent value from response and feedback, or lack thereof. 

I don’t have an answer to this. Just the knowledge that it’s much harder, and more frustrating, to build community on social media these days.

People are inspiring!

I chose the subjects for my mermaid portraits because they inspired me. I did some research for the write-ups of each painting in the collection and I’m really in awe of each of these folx!

They are all doing good things, and making positive changes in the world. Whether that’s informing policy on climate change or cheering someone up (me) for 5min on a Thursday.

No matter the degree, the impact they make matters greatly. I’m inspired by each of them, and I know I’m not alone. They make me feel hopeful for our world at a time when that can be hard.

Self-acceptance

It’s been a long (and still ongoing) journey for me to develop self-acceptance.

First I had to build self-awareness. Noticing what is happening without applying judgment is the first step.

After that, developing self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-trust were not linear endeavors. For me, they all kinda happened/continue to happen at the same time.

It’s not a glamorous journey, in fact, it’s pretty mundane. Totally not Instagrammable.
And you know what? Learning these skills has made my life easier, and much more calm. There is less anxiety and drama in my head and in my life.

Unglamorous as it might be, it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

I had a good time doing Mermay and am grateful for the additional 16 new paintings I have!
I invite you to check them out: Portraits for Mermay 2023

You can find the previous 3 blog posts at the links below:
Week 1: Building Self-Trust With Mermaid Art
Week 2: Self-awareness And Recognizing Old Habits
Week 3: Practicing Self-Compassion